It must be around 8pm, as the sun has a particular sting of heat that wasn’t present when the sun was higher. The birds are settling, quietly clicking and cooing to one and another as if saying goodnight with kisses. The lap of the clear water cascading across it’s ‘infiite’ measures can be heard from our balcony. My eyes gently click between warm orange comfort of closed eyes and the thick, wild jungle before me like I’m looking through a  view-master.

I’m in Ubud, Bali, known as one of the top meditation and yoga places in the southern hemisphere. Despite the peaceful atmosphere, my mind is unfocused. Are there ants crawling on my leg? Should I keep my eyes closed? Is Matt feeling relaxed? I need to breathe quicker than what this voice is telling me to. God meditating is difficult. I eventually give up, slink my shoulders down and stare at my legs, then to my partner. He’s completely naked and relaxed, which I had earlier teased him about. “You’re a full on hippy, I love it.” He had shrugged, dismissing my comments as he started to delve into his subconscious as I self-consciously tried to also.

The app Matt had raved about is continuing, oblivious to its listener giving up, the relaxed voice staying steady. I have an idea to pause the app, see how long it will take Matt to realize. In the fifth minute, I discern that he is either asleep or so far deep into this meditiation that he needs help being pulled from the depths.

‘You’ve given up haven’t you.’ Matt says after I had kissed him on the forehead.

‘It’s too hard. I don’t think I like the app.’

‘You’re in the most relaxing place on Earth and you can’t meditate?’

The question was not thought of rhetorically- I actually had a deep think about it.

Why couldn’t I meditate in the most peaceful place on Earth? I felt relaxed enough, I was very happy- I just didn’t want to sit and listen to an app telling me how slow to breath.

From there on, I started on my journey to meditating. I have naturally been a sort of jittery person who can’t sit still for too long, so I wanted to tame that part of myself.

Start small

Meditation requires you to be still with no sensory stimulation or active thoughts. Our life is full of these at most times, so learning how to detach your need for these was my first step to learning how to meditate. I started off with doing one thing at a time. I went for a walk without listening to music. I ate without being on my phone or watching TV. I devoted all my thoughts to one particular thing until I was comfortable with doing so.

If you conquer being able to focus on one thing without getting jittery, you are on the right track!

Not being judgemental of your thoughts

When meditating, you need to be aware of your thoughts but not judge them. If your mind is overactive you will need to get this in line before starting meditating. Learn not to overthink or think negatively. I posted about this a few months ago if you want help with it:

Lying still

Try lying still with your eyes closed for a short while, it can be on your bed or couch or even on the floor. If you struggle to relax, try clenching then releasing each muscle starting from your toes then make your way up right to your shoulders. Once you have that mastered you can try sitting still using the same concept and feel ultra relaxed.

Now light some candles and try your first meditation!

You have conquered all the individual steps to meditating, so now you just have to put them all into practice. An app will help you now, it helped me once I had followed the above steps! I have Smiling Mind and Headspace on my phone, they will guide you through everything you need to know about meditating. Doing it at night will be easiest as you are naturally sleepy. Using lavender oil may help for your first meditation also!

Try meditating with a couple more distractions, maybe in the daylight or outside.

Now you are officially a bomb meditator!

Go forth, be calm, and be awesome xx

Posted by:The Wild Ones

2 replies on “How I went from sucking at meditation to being obsessed with it

    1. Hello! I reached out to you on insta earlier this morning also to tell you I fell in love with YOUR blog hahah! Yes I would love that x


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